Courage and Past Feelings
by alyak
Summary: Oneshot...Kaidan receives a message from his past. Kaidan, Rahna


I always wanted to know what happened with Rahna. Her past with Kaidan made my heart sink. So I'm messing around with the canon. Hopefully it doesn't suck

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><p>The comm pinged with a new message and to Kaidan Alenko it was a chorus of it news on his recruits? He hoped so. He quickly pulled up his omni-tool and pressed play for the audio.<p>

_"Kaidan Alenko, I hope this finds you and you are far from battle, safe. I have wanted to say these things to you in person but I find my courage can only go so far and I gave the rest to my men. Thank you for standing up for me when I was weak and scared and forgive me for turning from you to lick my own wounds. Before that day I had never seen you as you were then and seeing you in the electric blue halo both broke and fortified something in me. You showed me that even the deepest wells of calm held mighty men and that even I might have the power to stand up for myself. I was pushed away from you even when I saw you hurting from your own revelation. I wanted to be near you, to comfort, fortify you but I was young and impressionable by those around me. I built my own strength and stood up for myself. I fought hard, pushed hard... Foolishly I wanted to make you proud. I understand if this sounds insane but I wish I had known you now, as a Major and a Spectre. My men cheered for you, they cheer for everyone who lives in these times. Sometimes they even cheer for me, not in front of me though I can hear the toasts o me when I'm too exhausted and sleep with my helmet on. I tell them I'm planning."_

General Rahna Zane, N7

Kaidan saved the message, filing it away to a folder with messages from his family, and turned off his omni-tool. He had never dreamed of getting a message from his childhood crush. He always assumed that she had fled from him when in fact she tried to better herself for him. Something in him cracked and he slumped to the seat directly in front of the window looking into space. Why was he given this message now? Was she dead now and this was sent automatically when she was confirmed KIA? His head throbbed and he desperately wanted a drink. Where was Vega and his tequila when he needed it? For a moment he wanted to go to John and ask him to see if they could go find her, save her if they could. The moment was swept away with the reminder that his friend had enough to do without his hopeless dash at a ghost. The door behind him opened but he didn't react to it.

"Hey, Kaidan."

Speak of the devil.

"Hey Commander." he replied softly.

The Hero of Elysium came over and sat down next to him. He wore the N7 jacket that EDI had given him and the insignia made the biotic wince. Did Rahna have the same jacket and did it look amazing on her?

Of course the man noticed his wince. Shepard was a sniper, one of the best. "What's troubling you?"

Kaidan wondered if he should keep this part of him hidden but Shepard would get it out of him eventually. He sighed and pinched the edge of his nose. "I got a message."

"From your team?"

"No...From Rahna." Kaidan ground out. It was a mistake talking about it. He should have kept quiet, given himself time to get over it, or get himself busy.

Shepard's eyes widened. "What's wrong?"

"Did you know she was a General in the Alliance? She sent me a message thanking me for showing her how to be strong. She... she was telling me good bye. She was an N7, like you."

Shepard was silent, but he placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Did he think that Kaidan still had feelings, a small flickering hope, for his first crush? Shepard gritted his teeth and stood. "If she's N7 then she's one of the best, especially if she's a General. She will find a way to survive whatever hot spot she's in. You need to believe that."

Kaidan looked up at his friend and nodded. The man did not know when to give up on trying to pep talk someone. Still all optimism and rainbows, gritty rainbows but rainbows nonetheless. "Thanks, Shepard."

His Commander nodded and left him alone in the observation bay. His thoughts going back to his gawky teenage years and a girl with wavy dark hair and a sweet smile. Maybe there was hope.

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><p>I'm thinking this will be a oneshot.<p> 


End file.
